Message in a Bottle

Today, I'm going to take out my "officemate came to work sick yesterday and infected me" anger out on Sting. Because he's an easy target, and he'll shrug off any "stings" of criticism by practicing tantric yoga.

Wonder what hefty late '70s drug intakes can do to ya? Besides resulting in mediocre music relegated to dental offices and faux hipster satellite radio stations, it turns you into a meddling Euro with nothing of substance to say. Case in point: Sting says Obama is sent from God to fix the mess we're in.

I trust the Associated Press like I'd trust an obese tween at McDonald's, but I read the puff piece anyway (once I got past the picture of Sting sporting a pedophile beard):



Sting said Obama is "exactly what we need in this world." What, an anti-Christ? Just kidding. We all know that's Rosie O'Donnell in the morning without makeup and a black coffee/cigarette breakfast pairing. Or it's me without coffee with traces of a facial mask lining my intensely smooth, wrinkle-free semblance. **cough**

Yes, the world needs a leader who sat in a racist church for 20 years; made friends with shady real estate developers in Chicago; and employs czars who support NAMBLA and admire Chairman "I killed 60 million of my own people, and I liked it" Mao.

Anyone recall when Bryan Ferry offhandedly remarked more than two years ago, "My God, the Nazis knew how to put themselves in the limelight... Leni Riefenstahl's movies, Albert Speer's buildings, the mass parades and the flags - just amazing. Really beautiful"? He got immense hell for that! Why should Anita Dunn get a pass?

Samuel Adams is crying in his grave not only for the fact that he has been banned from entertaining guests at my Halloween party at work tomorrow, but also for what has befallen the country. More accurately, the direction professional politicians purport to take this country in.

When it comes to music, my iPod represents a smattering of artists from every political persuasion. I've never really cared for Sting or The Police (did like the cameo in "Money for Nothing," though), but he's entitled to his opinion--however ill-informed it may be.

I can separate music from the artists' political beliefs. I have to lest my iPod lead a pretty empty existence. However, I find it impossible to separate politicians' ideologies from their intentions. Judging the current Administration by that litmus test, we have a lot to fear. Take a look at Europe. Do you like what you see (i.e., Nanny State where the middle classes are taxed out of their minds)? Well, they're living what's coming our way. Get ready. There's not a country we can send out an SOS to, or a message in a bottle.

Who's in Your Top Ten, Dave?

Unless you've been living deep within Appalachia or have spent the last few days on a media-free bender, you're privy to David Letterman's admission that he has slept with a lot of broads who used to work for him.

The admission drew nervous laughter from the audience. Oh yes: His repeated, deliberate breach of the line of professionalism is absolutely hysterical! Only jokes about Palin's young daughter getting knocked up by A-Rod are funnier.

Now, women are coming forward and saying that they slept with Dave in his "secret bunker." I really don't care where the trysts were conducted. I want to know this: Will David Letterman capitalize on the entertaining possibility of crafting a "Top Ten Secret Bunker Lays" list?

Right On the Tip of My Tongue

I'm rarely rendered speechless, but I blankly stared at my dingy computer monitor today as I read, "Michael Moore Says Capitalism Has Done Nothing for Him." Hmm...let's see...

• Michael, are you driving a Geo Tracker or a hubcap-barren Toyota Echo?

• Have you missed any meals lately? (Obvious "no;" move to question #3)

• Can you deny that your (one-sided, statistically-skewed) documentaries grossed you millions of dollars?

Oh the evils of reaping monetary gains from producing documentaries! Will you screen your next opus for free? Yeah, I didn't think so. One of my favorite rebuttals comes from Stephen Spruiell:

At one point Moore’s anti-capitalist fervor takes a literally holier-than-thou turn. In a bit of voice-over narration, he tells the audience that he once considered entering the priesthood because he admired the church’s commitment to helping the poor. Moore interviews several priests and bishops, some of whom share his view that capitalism is evil and none of whom think capitalism is good for poor people. At no time does anyone mention that some of the most impoverished places in the world remained that way for centuries, despite the Catholic Church’s ministry there, but have become developed countries in the last few decades by instituting free-market reforms.

Moore’s hatred of capitalism blinds him to the fact that no other economic system in the history of the world has proven as effective at reducing poverty. It does, however, guarantee a win-win for him personally. If Bush’s departure diminishes the public’s appetite for Moore’s shtick, he can blame capitalism for failing to reward his genius. If, on the other hand, Capitalism draws big numbers to the box office, conservatives will have no choice but to meet Moore halfway: Any system that remunerates such dreck is not without its flaws.

I will forego complaining about a chronically insecure one-upper at work who--though she is nearly twice age--feels as if she must claim that I've somehow derived any good ideas I have from her musty polyester-clad genius existence. I have temporarily solved the problem but would not refrain from unleashing the verbal equivalent of a bitch-slap in the near future, if necessary.

This is the time when I'd naturally revert to complaining about my Awesomely Bad Pianist neighbor. Alas, my new digs--while a little posher and once full of a group of Army guys who practically designated me their pinup--lack the cast of characters that Workforce Condos could tout as a move-in incentive. Maybe I'm being overly superstitious, but some things changed for the worse right after I moved just beyond Old Town.

Anyway, even though things have been tighter financially due to my new car and wedding obligations (who knew that a crinkled piece of eye-assaulting taffeta could cost $400 a pop? I love being a woman, but geez-you guys have it easy!), I cannot say that I've made many sacrifices. However, I think "sacrifices" is--like Grayson's liberal use of "Holocaust"--being misused. Case in point: Michelle Obama's claim that her trip to Denmark is a "sacrifice."

I don't have a problem with the President and First Lady making their case for Chicago in person. Aside from the fact that it will probably pay off some campaign debts from deals made with Chitown cronies, hosting the Olympics is a big honor-doubly so if you're lobbying for your adopted hometown. Michelle's speech to the committee in Copenhagen did not make a strong case to bring the Games to what seems to be becoming the Gang Murder Capital of the World.

I'm glad that David Robinson got some props. Have NO idea whatsoever why Oprah got lumped into a list of non-obese athletes--well, other than the fact that she was probably glaring directly at Michelle and the First Lady had to do something to mitigate the O's stare of death.

Last time I checked, there weren't any Olympic events that involved knocking someone's brains out with a board. How is security going to prevent the athletes from being slaughtered? I'll be damned if I let a lady who was never proud of her country until its people put their racist notions away long enough to elect her husband use the word "sacrifice" to describe her travels while I know people who personify "sacrifice" overseas.

Olympic Committee, you're not racist if you don't choose Chicago. You'd simply be smart. Take a cue from Michelle and do it "for the kids." Her name is Rio...

A Quick One While He's Away

How ironic that my trusty computer quit its post a few days after my hardly triumphant "return"! If I didn't know better, I'd allege that a conspiracy was responsible. Alas, at both the blogging and .gov level, I am a mere minion in a stream teeming with much brighter/louder fish; I've grown (accustomed) to accept(ing) that fact. Don't worry--I won't turn into Baby Jane Hudson...

Perhaps my steady advance toward 30 (I celebrated my birthday on my couch last week courtesy of a sinus infection; if 30 is the new 20, I'm good to go and better than ever) has made me quite mellow. Or maybe it hasn't, and I feel a momentary brand of peace knowing that it's Wednesday, my personal property taxes are paid, I'm not at the office, and I'm typing on a fandangled new Mac (and Best Buy will claim my first-born turkey baster baby if I don't pay for my pricey aluminum toy in due time).

This is the first year that I had to get up close and personal with end-of-the-fiscal-year procurement. There's something about the end of the fiscal year that brings out the best in some and the stupid in others. You can't fix stupid and one cannot reason with it, either.

However, this year I learned that regurgitating the same information in about 5 different formats all adorned in nauseating pastel colors will somehow make the information more palatable to someone who should be sitting on ready for a call from Shady Pines. I'll even add an animated jpg or two to mesmerize 'em--just like the highly cheesy ones that are used in some Department of Justice presentations I've endured this past year. Wait, I shouldn't reveal my secrets lest I become disposable!

Speaking of disposable, how about Rep. Alan Grayson (D-FL) who--on the House floor, the abiding symbol of civility (**stifles a laugh**)-- alleged that the GOP wants people to "die quickly" if they get sick. Is he hoping to raise as much money as Congressman Joe Wilson following his "You lie!" outburst? If so, he's going to wind up as disappointed as a '50s teen in the expansive backseat of a Rocket 88 with a Southern Baptist virgin. In fact, he just sealed a deal of another sort: His next opponent will garner a bevy of campaign contributions.

As for Grayson's statement that America in the absence of health care reform is like the Holocaust, I must say this: STOP MAKING COMPARISONS OF THINGS THAT AREN'T EVEN REMOTELY SIMILAR. It would be like me comparing the Democratic members of Congress to Einsatzgruppen and claiming that they're both willing executioners (a reference to a book on my shelf--Daniel Jonah Goldhagen's "Hitler's Willing Executioners: Ordinary Germans and the Holocaust"); an absolutely ludicrous statement.

Grayson makes it sound like the passage of ObamaCare will render the Grim Reaper unemployed and throw this natural process that we call life overboard. Well, on second thought, that might be possible. According to Obama's address to the United Nations, we are no longer a nation that others--even rogue nations--should distrust. Last I heard, Iran abandoned its pursuit of nuclear weapons in deference to Obama's apologies for the USA's interest in its security, er, douchebaggery of the past.

Alas, all that was to be expected. What I did NOT bank on, however, was the incessant barrage of Creigh Deeds "McDonnell's thesis is going to take us back to the Dark Ages and Melissa will greatly miss her XM satellite radio" ads during the workday. McDonnell wrote a thesis a while back that is somewhat controversial; I get that. I'm more concerned about how Deeds and McDonnell propose they'll make Virginia more kakow--and McDonnell ads have been more enlightening to that effect. I don't know what poll to believe, but Deeds better churn out some non-thesis ads quickly--as quickly as my fellow Republicans want sick people to die.

Four Weddings and a Funeral (for a Hairdo)

With the political atmosphere as charged as I imagine an afternoon in a jacuzzi tub with James Franco to be, the Misanthrope has decided to break her silence (which I maintain does not equal passivity).

Need to find a reputable paintless dent removal company? Vet several companies to yield a quality job at a reasonable rate. You get what you pay for if you're an informed consumer.

Need to hire a catering company for an important event? Check out Yelp and talk to colleagues, family, and friends for referrals. Again, you get what you pay for if you're an informed consumer.

Need to place trustworthy individuals in public office? Research their position on the issues, analyze their voting record (voting "present" doesn't count), and ask tough questions. You get what you vote for if you're an informed constituent.

Unfortunately, many Americans spend more time fumbling with Genius in iTunes than vetting political candidates. The result: The clusterf*ck on The Hill and an empty suit in the White House.

Some elected officials choose to spend more time revising House rules of decorum than analyzing the content of the Obamacare bill. For the record, Pelosi, I do agree that calling someone "intellectually dishonest" during a House session should be banned, since "intellect" is required and that is generally lacking in most cases in the House.

Racism isn't the catalyst for the grassroots conservative uprising take place across America, for we would be racists to avoid taking our President to task simply because of his race. Any special treatment we afford or deny a person based on his or her color is racism. I could go on a rant about Carter's anti-Semitism here, but I'll save that for another entry; people of Carter's ilk are like the herpes virus. Obama certainly took notes on Carter's "blame America" approach in preparation for his European apology tour...

We're united against big government spending.

We're united against public officials who do not heed the concerns of their constituents.

We're united against becoming a socialist nation that associates capitalism with mortal evil.

We're not going to take it anymore.

As ACORN follows in the path of others Obama has thrown underneath his bus (Reverend Wright, his white grandmother, etc.), we're reminded that silence is golden. The formerly mainstream media will not abandon Obama during his time of need as CNN continues to fellate those who ignorantly claim all the Administration's opponents are racists. However, the facts are on our side.

When the empty rhetoric of HOPE and CHANGE yields nothing but wasteful spending and government's increasing control over our lives--and Obama's policies have garnered this effect, people begin to sit up and take notice. It's sad that they were lying down on the job back in November, but 2010 is within sight!

I titled this overdue entry "Four Weddings and a Funeral (for a Hairdo)" because that basically sums up my summer. I've zigzagged across the country to build my bridesmaid dress collection and devoid my bank account of funds that would purchase a new Mac and a flatscreen TV (because playing Beatles Rock Band would be more kakow on a 46" TV w/ Bose speakers). I've had a lot to say, but didn't feel like I needed to share it with my 2.1 readers until now.

I've learned a lot about myself, friendships, and the joys/pitfalls of growing older. I'm still not completely content and feel there's something odd about a nearly 28 yo. chick who now prefers sitting at home with Blue Moon and video games in lieu of traversing the narrow corridors of local bars that feature really good house bands, but I will offer no apologies.

Someone I hold in low esteem once alleged that I say things just to provoke people, but I prefer to call what I do "saying what others think only in non-sugar coated terms." Yeah, that's it. I've always been a little crazy and I'm getting too old to learn new tricks.